I am very sad, angry, fustrated, irritated, desperate or what have you!

I did not talk to Dash just now, and was blowing up my temper on him asking him not to cough anymore! When he left the house for school and said “bye bye mummy”, I did not even respond!

Yes, he was coughing again, and again very badly, like every single second he would cough.

I was very fustrated with his cough. I know it isn’t Dash’s fault at all! He hates to cough too, but I will just get very very upset and fustrated when the “oh no! it’s here again” stupid cough is back! I am angry with more of myself! I hated myself. I couldn’t bring him to see doctor, I couldn’t keep him at home, I couldn’t do anything about his cough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to bring him to see padetrician again, for the umpteen times, but I had already taken two days mc last week, because of hosptial medical checkup that I needed to go, as well as me falling sick due to getting virus from Violet. How can I afford to get anymore leave??? I was always hesitating about getting mcs and childcare leaves, cause I know the whole world will think you are eating snake no matter how genuine it is. Hubby needs to go for stupid IPPT training, and I do not want to let Dash go over my in laws place passing the germs to Violet. My mum wants to enjoy her day with her friends, as her friends are treating her to lunch, so in the end, Dash still has to go back to the  germs filling childcare and up till now, the childcare already has so many students and one teacher down with chickenpox!!!!!!!!!

He had been coughing for months already! The cough was on and off, getting slightly better, and then it would come back worse again! WHY???? WHY MUST THE STUPID COUGH TORTURE SUCH A YOUNG KID LIKE HIM? The padetrician kept saying he has sensitive airway and nose, but can’t we do anything about them????

Can you imagine whenever he sees kids like his age enjoying ice cream, fruits, biscuits etc, but he could eat none of those things, how pitiful he is? I saw mummies writing in their blogs about giving their kids ice creams, biscuits or whatever, I was always asking why are their kids so strong, and mine can never ever enjoy all that?

I am really at a loss now! I had tried everything and brought him to see so many doctors, even specialist. Anyway, I had just spend $150 on just a single tee that I was told to have healing purpose WHICH I do not know is true or not, but I still bought to try it on Dash! But will all these help???? I really don’t know at all!

I really do not know what more can I do. I know my boy is suffering, but I can’t do anything. I am so angry with myself.